reality.teslaa

It's been a year (almost)

It’s been a year since I blogged. I thought it was a milestone and time for an update ;)

Life has changed in some respects and in others it has continued to moved on. However, truth be told, it’s really been a four year journey, not just one. Two years of unraveling. A some small thread here and a large hem there. It’s been two years of mending. One stitch at a time. This has actually been one of my favorite visuals when I’m struggling with the healing part. I can actually see God’s hands stitching my heart together. It’s calming and reassuring.

Many have asked, “So how has it been since stepping away from a successful photography business?” It’s like breaking an addiction. There’s good times and hard times. There’s things I miss and things that I positively do not. And time does make it easier.

Throughout this past year, I’ve still photographed some of my clients - those who were brave enough to ask and those who emailed after crying about it (you know who you are...thank you. You made my entire year). I miss my people. I miss the clients that impacted my life without knowing it. I miss connecting with new people who have something to teach me. I miss capturing families in their finest and cutest moments (or even in their not-so-finest moments). I miss seeing my photos hanging in frames on the walls of my best customers. I miss the ahhh... moment of conquering a 2 year old in the midst of a temper tantrum and getting the perfect shot. I miss moms leaving my house thinking we got nothing and getting the email of unbelief when they see the proofs.

In hindsight, I see that I had a gift that God gave me and I abused it. My sister-in-law and spiritual mentor once said that the best gifts from God in our personalities and lives can be some of the biggest stumbling blocks in life if misused. I think that sums up the last many years of my life. God’s gifts became stumbling blocks. Have you ever stopped to think about that?

You are good at something. You receive compliments, kudos, pats on the back. Pride is built up. You actually start to think you are something and literally forget the hand that feeds you. Remember the verse “Pride comes before a fall.” Stumble. (Or in some cases, a crash.)

This past year has been a campaign to get back to the grassroots by stepping away from a lot. I’ve stepped away from more than photography. I’ve stopped excessive volunteering and involvement outside of my home. I’ve quit blogging, obviously. It wasn’t necessarily one decision that I made to do that. It was something that was placed on my heart at different times and I followed it. God was revealing areas of my life that were causing identity and priority issues. It’s been a healthy thing for me and I’m finding myself returning to some of these things but with a different approach.

So what’s happened this year? Last April, I started working full time at the Publishing company in the Marketing and Accounting facet. Summer was relaxing and wonderful with beach days and a super great nanny to help when I went to work. Our family enjoyed a camping trip to Leelanau, one of Michigan’s gorgeous places. Mark and I joined a church that we absolutely love with every fiber of our bodies. We are so blessed to be there. We’ve joined two couples Bible studies that are comprised of some amazing people that have already impacted our lives in countless ways. Football season was a family affair. Mark loved coaching this season and connecting with his players on a new, deeper level. (Football is really about more than football.) Christmas was wonderful this year as we down-sized and focused on family times. January brought a new year and a bright new perspective on life. Another corner turned as we closed another year in the history books. February went out with a crash. A car crash that is. Scary stuff. God’s hand was all over that. Honestly. 50 mph head-on collision and walked away with a couple stitches on my knee, a terribly sore sternum, still-visible bruises (after 5 months), and a SUV instead of a van. March brought us another child. Yes, you read that correctly. It’s an exchange student, does that count? Christina arrived from South Korea with her smile and jumped right into the middle of our family. Literally. She’s 10 so falls between Ellie and Isaac. She’ll be with us until next June. Another Spring Break down to Florida with Mom and Dad. It was gorgeous weather and even better family time. We arrived home for Ball season. Three kids. Three teams. We love camping out at the ball fields...lots of hot dogs, winter coats, and Cherry Heads. School finished and we left for a family vacation within days celebrating our 14th anniversary with the kids in the sun and fun. That’s been our year in a quick recap.

In the last year I’ve also learned a LOT. Here’s a list for you to chew on:

1. The computer doesn’t call my name anymore.

2. Life is beautiful even when it gets ugly. You just have to search for it harder.

3. I have more freedom working full time outside the home than I ever had while doing photography at home.

4. Submission in a godly marriage is much easier when you fully respect your husband and trust him.

5. Saying “no” can be easier than you think and it’s like a muscle. Exercise it and it will be easier to use.

6. You see the gapping holes in your character when you get a taste of your own medicine.

7. When you make yourself vulnerable, you finally realize that you really aren’t alone.

8. My kids have a new mom. I’m thankful that they are still young enough to maybe not remember the old me.

9. Grace is hard to accept. For me it’s been harder from people than from God.

10. Never say never. Not because you don’t want to be wrong, but because this will become the area the enemy will challenge you.

11. Your true identity is found inside you not outside you.

12. Playing Scrabble with Mark on the back deck while sipping some red wine is one of my favorite dates (even though he beats me ALL the time.)

13. Contentment is a choice not your circumstances.

I continue my journey. I hope our paths will cross. If you are looking for a photographer, you can try me.

An Announcement

For over the last six years, photography has been both my passion and my business. The tide has shifted from time to time from one to the other, but it’s always remained as both. In the last year, I’ve done some reflecting on where photography has fit into my life and it’s been a very humbling experience. I’ve discovered that my husband and my kids have suffered from displaced priorities at times. It’s a difficult thing to admit when a good thing turns into a bad thing because it’s been placed in the wrong priority slot in life. Photography isn’t a bad thing. It’s honestly part of me, but I prioritized it wrongly and that’s my fault completely.

 

I am not blogging to give you a sermon on how to prioritize your life or give you a sob story. I am telling you this so you can understand how I came to the decision of taking a break from photography for the next year. This has not been an easy decision for me or for my family but we are all at complete peace with it.

 

I’ve had the privilege of considering my clients as family and their children as part of my own. The things I’ve loved the most about photography has been getting to know my clients. I’ve prided myself on capturing the real truth and beauty of families and children. For this reason, I’ve definitely shed my tears over walking away for a season. I have never taken my job lightly and have never taken my customer's business for granted. I want personally to thank my clients for their support, their smiles, and their stories. Thank you for allowing me the privilege to capture your family. It doesn’t matter if I’ve only meet you for one short session or for all six years that I’ve been in business. I count all of my clients as blessings.

 

I don’t want to leave any of you “high and dry” with no photographer to take your pictures for the next year. As you know in this day and age, there’s a photographer on every street corner or every soccer field J. I’ve met many wonderful photographers in this area but I wanted to refer my clients to a photographer who can offer similar style, products, and pricing as Miracles Photography. If you are in need of someone, please contact me directly and I can give you that information.

 

I hope and pray that all of you have an awesome summer. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions at all. I will keep you posted if any changes happen with Miracles Photography. Thanks again for all your support through the years. I hope to return to photography some day soon. I've learned to take one day at a time. It may be a cliche but it's so very true.

 

Blessings and celebrate Freedom this Holiday. I know I will. Love you all.

 

Stephanie

It's been a while again. I apologize. I always have something in the back of my mind to blog about but I have a hard time finding the time to do it. I have a bunch of miscellaneous things today.

First off, my grandma (mom's mom) just passed away this week. Keep my mom in your prayers and my grandpa. It's never an easy thing but God was gracious with making it smooth and quick. She's in a better place.

I have a correction from my last blog. Mark read my post on him and was going to leave a comment to correct but I told him that I would do it in my next post. HE CAN TOUCH THE BASKETBALL RIM. That's the correction. He just can't "grab" it any longer. My hubby recently went rustic on me and grew a beard. I thought he was looking very manly. Surprisingly, I really liked it (Josie did too!).

My boy has got the biggest heart and he's a class A listener and rule follower. (He comes by all this honestly-his daddy! Not me.) One morning Isaac was ready for school very early. He was doing this for several days so he could get some Wii time in before school. However, the Wii time was distracting his sisters from getting ready for school so I had to get rid of it the privilege. Isaac started whinning, "What can I do?" I jokingly said in my hurry, "Make my bed." A while later, I ran upstairs to start my morning regime and noticed that he had taken me up on the suggestion. I'm a little anal about making my bed and, honestly, I noticed the imperfections first...and then I stopped myself and said, "Nope. You are going to leave it as it is for today as a reminder of what a blessing your son is." I had to take a photo to remember this...especially when he's a teenager and wants nothing to do with me!

And my little one has a gapping hole in her mouth. She lost her two front teeth. She is my last one to have this beautiful smile and I'm very very sad about it. It was very funny because she lost one a day before the other and looked like a full-fledged hillbilly. I was grateful when the other one fell out. There's nothing that makes me smile more than this smile...

Josie's the characteristic last born. Doing things at age six that my first born didn't do until age 10. That's just the facts. She's in Kindergarten and learning how to write her name in cursive. Her teacher will probaby hate this since I'm not a good teacher at all. Hope I'm not messing it all up.

On March 8th, we had a little warm up in Michigan. It always cracks me up when Spring hits our area. You see people wearing flip flops, shorts, and short-sleeved shirts well before any human being should be wearing them. It's all relative. And relative to our cold winters, we joyously start our summer festivities when the temps finally reach the 40s and 50s. So on this day, we grilled out, wore flip flops, and started jumping on the tramp (while Mark threw snowballs at the kids). Had to share some pictures of this phenominom.

And my last little tidbit today...Let me show you the picture first.

This picture was taken by Madilyn. She was working on a photography badge for GEMS (a girls club at a local church). The kids volunteered to have their picture taken, stood still, made no silly faces, no complaining, no poking, no crazy eyes. Just, like civilized humans, graciously had their picture taken. This NEVER occurs for me. I have to yell, stand on my head, run around, entertain them like toddlers, yell some more and then hold my breath that in the craziness I actually got something usable. This summer I did take a picture of my kids that I adore. I had it made into a beautiful canvas and it hangs in the main part of my home to be cherished forever.

   

Many dimensions

Ever meet those people in life that have so many dimensions to them. It's an adventure when you encounter those types of people. They can be a mystery. An inspiration. A puzzle to solve. Or they can give you a peace - knowing you will never get bored digging into them. I've discovered this about my beloved husband. We've been together more than half our lives and yet I'm faced with finding out new things about him on a daily basis...maybe it's me taking the time to really know him or maybe it's him evolving into a new person. I think it's a little of both. I wanted to share some of the reasons why I love this man...

1. He's a Lions fan. Doesn't seem like a big deal but it shows a lot of his character...he's for the underdog. He's a golden retriever. He's loyal. He never gives up even when a team has let him down. And that doesn't just apply to a team but to a person.

2. He's overprotective of his people. He's a warrior and defender.

3. He wears great jeans and wears them well, I might add. Those awesome jeans with white stitching and buttoned-pockets.

4. He's not afraid to sip a Starbucks mocha while driving his manly truck.

5. He loves music as much as I do. All types of music...Christian rock, pop, country, and most definitely Christmas music. He's actually obsessed with Christmas music.

6. He cleans up dog messes even though it's my dog.

7. He lives what he believes not what he feels. I'm still learning from him.

8. He loves our kids as much as I do and even stands up for them when I'm being unreasonable.

9. He's always willing to go the extra mile at school and home.

10. He's willing to love fishing just because his son is interested in it. The best was when Isaac caught a puffer fish in Florida and Mark had to get the hook out of the puffed-up fish...as he held it as far from himself as possible.

11. He drives a big yellow bus to help pay the bills.

12. He never says die.

13. He is not afraid to cry with me or cry in public.

14. He loves to laugh.

15. He rubs my feet.

16. He loves the Lord and lives for Him.

17. He's content to stay home with me on the weekends...and actually prefers it.

18. He cuddles up with me at night. No matter what the day held or what words flew through the air between us. As Sara Groves said in her song..."He rolls to the middle."

19. He respects and loves his mom.

20. He's just like his dad (and I love his dad!).

21. He's a football coach and teacher...but a dad and husband first.

22. He understands me. Even my short-comings.

23. He never points the finger at anyone instead he tries to see things from their perspective.

24. He's got a contagious smile.

25. He's not afraid to drive a mini-van.

26. He's wiser than his years.

27. He loves my mom - and she even lives with us!

28. He watches HGTV with me.

29. He doesn't give me a dirty look when I ask him to re-paint a wall, again.

30. He painted our front door yellow even though he hated it.

31. He admits when he's wrong...for example, the yellow door. He loves it now.

32. He's willing to coach Little League.

33. He runs with me...and always runs on outside to protect me from traffic.

34. He's a gamer. There's always something to do. Between darts, backgammon, cribbage, euchre, Settlers, Wii...we love to play games together and with family and friends.

35. He turns the other cheek when hurt by someone.

36. He has given me the freedom to love him without requiring me to fill his holes. God fills the holes and I just love him.

37. He will make the bed for me if I get too busy or forget. Not because he needs it made, but because he knows that I need it made.

38. He doesn't get mad when I nibble off his plate.

39. He still thinks he is 16 at times but realizes when he can't touch the basketball rim anymorethat he is indeed 35.

40. He listens to me when I just need to get words aired out.

41. He completes me. (I know that is so cliche from Jerry Macguire, but it's true.)

42. He loves to golf and is willing to do it with me...even though I take extra time and need excessive encouragement.

43. He's taken to writing his thoughts out and hitting delete instead of send. It's his way of getting frustration out the correct way.

44. He is always teaching me something new about myself by the way he handles himself.

45. He has especially taught me to do the right thing even if it's the hard thing to do.

46. He's a furnace. When I'm freezing, I just need to cuddle up to him.

47. He has always been my biggest fan, even when the fan club was one.

48. He will watch a chick flick with me when I need something light.

49. He never says never.

50. He's my husband. My gift from God. A gift that I no longer take for granted.

First off, Happy Birthday to my little man on Saturday. He's now 8 years old and I told him that he has to stop growing now. He's such a joy and complete replica of my husband. Love you, Isaac!

I had a Valentine's Day surprise delivery. I have no idea who was thoughtful enough to send me joy in the form of a gorgeous bouquet of tulips. Thank you to whoever you are. I absolutely loved them and cannot recall the last time I received flowers...let alone from a secret friend! It did bring me some sunshine my way. Thank you for your thoughts and kind words.

Last week, I was having one of those nights. Tired. Frustrated. Too much to do. No time to do it. And bedtime by myself. Bedtime with four kids. I walked into the living room with a sullen face. Maddie took one look at me and said, "Mom, having a bad day?" I just looked at her with my sad eyes and laid on the floor. (I always do devotions with the kids laying on my belly in the middle of the living room. I still think I'm one of the kids!) Maddie got down off the loveseat and proceed to lay down next to me and rubbed my back. I was on the verge of tears at how my 11 year old ministered to her mom. God was using her to reach me in my time of need.

 

Have you ever found yourself going through the motions of life? That's a very deep question, isn't it? I've felt that way at many times in my life and it's not a good feeling at all. Well, Mark did a hilarious, concrete example of going through the motions of life. A few weeks ago, I received a call from his cell phone. "Stephanie, you will never guess what I just did." That's a scary statement and I was not about to guess! "I just drove a 40-foot yellow school bus home." Sure enough, I noticed a second bus drive by our home right as the kids were getting off their bus. Mark has been driving bus in the afternoons as a fill in. In the midst of daydreaming return trip from his 50 mile bus run, he ended up at our door step. I joked that I would love for him to pick me up in the yellow submarine for our next date night.

Mark and I have become a Great Uncle and Great Aunt once again and again. In November, two of our nieces gave birth to baby girls...and they were big baby girls - both weighing in over 9 lbs. I wanted to introduce you to the newest babies in our family...

 
 

Only God Can Change a Sunset into Sunrise

 

Last year was a sunset for me. However, God has been true to His character and made my life into a sunrise. Our family has been through some personal struggles in the last year and, sadly enough, the last year has felt like a time warp. However, God has kept me and the family going through it all. He has never left my side. Never.

 

I have found it hard to write on my blog because I’ve always been someone who says it like it is. I have not minced my words. I have been transparent in so many ways of my life. However, I find myself in a new position of needing privacy as God provides healing and understanding through this trial in our lives. That has left me speechless to a certain extent. Honestly, I have learned a lifetime of wisdom in the last year that would bring Him glory but, once again, I feel God wanting us to wait.

 

I can share that I’ve learned…to hold loosely to things, not to rely on myself  but only on God, not to judge people based on my perception of them, to let God deal with hurt, to let God love when you cannot love in return, to enjoy the stars in the sky, to savor the simple things like a family dinner or a good glass of wine, to pray with my husband every night, to be thankful for a warm home and a paycheck, not to rely on my feelings but on God’s truth, to forgive myself in addition to others, to cry tears of joy in church, to trust that God loves my kids more than I do, to fall in love with my husband for new reasons, to look forward to heaven without fears, to celebrating struggles in life.

 

One new thing in this sunrise of my life is a new job. This does not mean that I am done with photography. Not at all. I had a very successful photography year and am gearing up for another one. I’ve been so blessed with some of the nicest customers in the world. I cannot tell you how many of my clients have blessed me with words of encouragement through this last year - some who knew I was struggling and some who had no idea. I’ve had clients full of grace as I tried to keep my personal life separate from my business life, but sometimes failed.

 

So I’m sure you are all curious about my new job and why…Well, I have all four kids in school full-time which means I have extra time on my hands in addition to a little extra tuition bill at school. The wonderful Michigan economy has not harmed my business – but, it’s not a prime opportunity for business growth to the extent that we need it financially. I decided to keep my ears open and asked friends to do the same for opportunities that would fit my personality and abilities. Well, a friend of mine had a neighbor whose place of work, Serendipity Publishing, was looking for an Accounting Coordinator. (For those of you who don’t know, I graduated with a BA in Accounting.) And the two blessings of this job are…it’s part-time flexible and it’s a group of really fun people. I officially started between Christmas and New Years and feel right at home already. It’s has been going great and I’ve learned about all the great lunch places in downtown, sushi, meal planning for dinnertime, Saturday laundry triathlons, and the need to explain to my kids… “if we are late for school, then mom’s late for work and I have a boss now.”

 

So the picture is from Sunday. Mark and I decided to head out to the beach to watch the sunset. We could tell that it was going to be gorgeous. It was bitterly cold and I was in pain by the end of the trip. It gave me a quick moment of reflection and I realized that God has a way of, not only turning sunsets into sunrises, but He making sunsets (as sad as they can be) absolutely beautiful. He makes everything beautiful in His time. I have no doubt about that.

More to life than football

 

We are a football family. It's been in my blood since I was 16 and slipped Mark's jersey on to show my allegiance to the football star at our high school. Ever since that time, I've always had tremendous pride for my husband when seeing him on the football field - whether it was suited up breaking a tackle or now leading high school players as an assistant varsity coach. I tend to see him in a new light while coaching. My favorite visual of him on the sidelines is when all hell is breaking loose and he is sitting there very calm and collected. He knows that freaking out will only hinder his responsibility and effectiveness as a coach. The football players look to him for direction. There is a confidence they gain by looking to him and the other coaches during a trying time. My dear uncle described that attribute in Mark as "meekness". He said that meekness can be defined as "being in complete control while under pressure." I see this in Mark, not only on the playing field, but also in our lives. As struggles arise, I look to him for the confidence that everything is going to be alright. He's my rock.

What I love about our football program is that they view football as more than football. They take this opportunity to touch the lives of teenagers seriously. If you've ever seen the movie Facing the Giants, you understand what I mean. The coaches open every practice and every game with a devotional and prayer time. Each coach leads a week of devotions and Mark does not take that responsibility lightly. He reflects and prays about what to show these kids. The last week he had devos (as they lovingly call them), he spoke on adversity. Here are some of the notable quotes he shared with the players:

• We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.  (Author Unknown)

• We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them. (Charles C. West)

   

• If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.  (Mary Engelbreit)

• There is no education like adversity. (Disraeli)

• Adversity introduces a man to himself. (Author Unknown)

• Watch a man in times of... adversity to discover what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off. (Author Unknown)

• Like a plant that starts up in showers and sunshine and does not know which has best helped it to grow, it is difficult to say whether the hard things or the pleasant things did me the most good. (Lucy Larcom)

Those are some powerful words to hear when you are facing adversity. We need to remember that Christ said, "My strength is made perfect in weakness."

 

These are the life lessons that these football players are hearing from their coaches. Definitely learning much more than X's and O's on this football team. Mark feels privileged to be part of it and I'm thankful to be witnessing it.

 

So off to another Friday night game, rain or shine. Last week it rained and I was soaked and cold. For those of you who know me well, you know that I love the rain. I even love it in the stands of a football game. I don't know why I love the rain so much. It's relaxing. It's cleansing. It's even out of the ordinary. It makes you readjust. It just makes me happy.

Over the last 11 weeks, Mark and I have started running together. (For those of you who know me...I'll give you a moment to pick your chin up off the floor.) I said that we started running NOT that I love it, or even like it. I actually hate it unless it's that feeling you get when you are DONE. That's when I love it. God has brought me many insights while running (maybe jogging would be a better term) and I thought I would share a few with you over the next few days.

Lesson 1
I am utterly amazed at how much Mark can talk. During our jogs, I am not able to talk. I have to concentrate on my breathing since I struggle with side aches. I've learned to listen to my husband. I've learned that he's a very wise man. I've learned that I don't need to talk. I've learned that I get frustrated when I can't talk. I've learned there's wisdom in silence.

Lesson 2
We typically run at night after the kids are tucked in bed. I love running at night because no one can see me and it's a lot cooler. However, running in the dark, there can be lurking danger. We need to be well aware of cars. Most drivers assume people aren't out running at 9:30 p.m. When cars approach, Mark always makes a point to move me to the curb. It's subtle and he may not even know that he does it. A true act of a gentleman. It's his way of protecting me. Guarding me. He's telling me, "I would rather get hit than you." How often does God do the same for us while we are walking through life? We may not be aware of the danger. We may choose to play with danger. And sometimes our gentleman, God, steps in and moves us to the curb.

How long is a girl a child? She is a child, and then one morning you wake up she's a woman, and a dozen different people of whom you recognize none. (Louis L'Amour)

I came across that quote today and was brought to tears. My Madilyn has grown up before my eyes. She now stands right below my chin (perfect height as my chin rest) and many times a day I'm shocked at who I see and who I don't see anymore. I'm so very blessed to have her as my oldest. She takes a lot from me...a lot of expectations, a lot of frustrations, and a lot of responsibility. It's rough being the oldest and she does it with poise and beauty. Starting 5th grade has been a huge maturing event in her life. I cannot believe how much she's grown up in the last few weeks. Kids are expected to do so much nowadays. A typical post-school day consists of 30 minutes of piano practice, 20 minutes of French Horn practice, at least 20 minutes of reading, homework, and "play time" if we can squeeze it in. And on top of that, there's church groups, family times, and her mom's taunting voice to clean up after herself. That's a LOT of pressure for a 10 year old. I pray that God can keep that on the fore-front of my mind when I start adding to her work load. And I pray that God continues to remind me of the wonderful blessing of Madilyn. I need reminders...today it was a quote that brought me to reality.

Never say never again.

This time it's my husband's "Never Say Never." The evidence is 2 lbs 10 oz and born on July 13, 2009. Introducing our newest addition...Eddie.